Courtship and Dating

How many times have you heard about the concept of courtship? Have you ever wondered what it is? Well, for those who are still having questions about courtship, we have unpacked it for you!
‘The act of soliciting favour. The act of wooing in love. Solicitation of a woman to marriage’, Webster’s 1828 dictionary.
‘Young adults seeking each other under parent’s supervision or another couple for the purpose of finding a spouse in the will of God’
Many definitions of courtship can be found in a lot of sources; the internet, books, church, the bible- everywhere. From all the explanations three things stand out about courtship. It is a relationship between people who have a direction and a goal to reach, it is not casual dating- it is a relationship based on God and based on Godly standard as compared to the world’s.
The biblical basis for courtship is found in the bible in word, principle and example. It seeks to emulate the Godly models in the bible that were conducted by God’s people before dating was invented.
Dating on the other hand is not biblical. It is not found in the bible in word, principle and example. Many young people in the bible got married, but none of them dated. So what is the difference between dating and courting?
Dating is about the here and now! It is for enjoyment and for fun. Yes, you may love the person but there is not much commitment and direction. The relationship is not based on God, in other words it is not to glorify God. Most dating relationships are to satisfy me me me and me.
Dating happens lots of times and ends in many heartbreaks, hurts, scars and if you’re lucky, a partner that just may stay with you for the next few years or the rest of your life if you’re really lucky. This fact has then led to situations in dating where people hide all their faults to give a false impression about themselves in order to keep their partners liking them.
Courtship is based on certain principles including commitment, accountability, rejection of the secular dating philosophy and establishing physical boundaries. It puts emphasis on the importance of marriage as an opportunity for Christian service rather than a selfish endeavor, the importance of singleness before marriage as a time for greater Christian service in the community rather than a time to be employed in selfish pursuits. Yes! Marriage. Most of us get scared on this part and the reason is because we are still young and therefore marriage is the last thin on our minds. So what we want to do is have fun for the moment, that is, date and get into a ‘serious’ relationship when we are ready for it. In other words we want to use other people before we get to the one we want to spend the rest of our lives with.
Prior to courtship is waiting on God. Its starts by embracing your singleness and seeking God and Him pruning you. One thing that we lack on as human beings is patience. Especiall when it come to relationships. Being single is not cool, it some disease of some sort! No! Being is a time for you and God and we need to enjoy that time.
Courtship is based on sexual purity and importance of counsel and evaluation by family and friends as relationship progresses.
Dating is a direct example of scriptures that encourage us to flee from youthful lusts (Eph 4:22), flee fornication (1Cor 6:18). Flee is not merely refraining from sexual intercourse, it means to stay away as far as possible from the beginning of the process. Fornication is an expression of lust not love. It seeks self-satisfaction apart from the responsibilities of marriage. It robs the woman of her virginity; it robs a man of the inheritance of an unspoiled wife and robs the institution of the family at its time foundation. Dating is intimacy and soon creates familiarity and sexual pressure and innocence gets exhausted too soon.

Advice on courting
Have a close intimate relationship with God first as an individual
Never do things with your own power and using your past experiences. Let God be on the driving seat
Never compromise your standards
Never compromise holiness
Never compromise purity.
Comunication is the main tool of any relationship.
Be transparent towards each other. Find out where he/she stands and let your stand be known, and then agree to help each other keep faith with God, yourselves and parents.
Follow God’s leadership by faith. If everything goes right but you cannot get peace or you lose God’s peace about a relationship- break it off! There is nothing wrong with realizing your mistakes and try and listen again to God!
More that anything else, guard each other!
Never get involved with anyone who:
Will violate God’s command against being unequal yoked
Does not have your parent’s approval
Will compromise your service and walk with God
Portia Sixabela